Today I will write, my head is clear, and I feel peace within me for once in a very long time. Words gushed out when I thought about how far I’ve come, The consideration of every pillar that held this building in its formative stages. The ones that are standing up with it before it’s completion.
Words spoken are never taken back, but to remind me of the importance, I put ink and paper to work, and I say thank you to the universe for holding on to me despite the moments I felt like falling out and ending the journeys that I have embarked on whether alone or with others.
I thank the universe for every itch that made me uncomfortable, for the pain that I dreadfully reminisce. So far, I haven’t had a comfort zone, and for that, I am working to better myself, maximize every resource and every opportunity I get. I know what joy tastes like and the need to have peace for the pain. I know why I should hold on to some memories and bury others as I allow time to heal me and expose me to a limitless existence.
If you have not had boring days, you don’t know how clarity and high spirits feel. Presence is felt through absence. You can only tell something’s essence if you go without it for a day, and in that one day, you realize what is missing. For me, this comes with an unsettling vague feeling. I feel like life in me has left and cannot find clarity; I feel blurry. When I did not know how I felt or what I wanted, when things felt to have lesser meaning than reality, I understood why.
Today I will dare broach a matter I never want to talk about; death. Hearing about it sends goosebumps to my skin. Death is loss; death is a punch; it takes time to recover. Death is not a subject to laugh at but learn through and utilize the lessons whenever loss happens. I know that people die, that they won’t always be here, and that our time will be limited. Having experienced it personally was not really what I would have prayed for, but it also taught me how to treasure what I had and not mistake its eternity.
I thank the universe for making me feel afraid. I learned courage at such moments. I saw the need to stand up to myself when I felt fear so deep that it was eating me up slowly. That fear was nothing but a hollow full of darkness, and I needed to light it up or let myself get lost in it. I feared some of those things were just small stones that I had to jump over and get on with life.
I am ever indebted to everyone who worked and is working for education, so I get educated. Now I can comfortably put my feelings to words and speak my heart out. Through education, I have met the people who changed my life for the better and the ones that will hold me up for the next number of days or so. That my education is not mine alone and should serve the general good of the society at large. That I should work so others will get educated through me or my actions.
I thank the universe for taking me to places that hit me so hard that I was afraid of ever standing up. That I had them, and now, despite the setback, I can always come back whole and replenished after collecting my spilled parts and putting them back on and working for my betterment, ready for whatever is to come in the next stage.
Having made me feel so empty that I felt like creeping out of my body and watching it fully void without me. This single feeling taught me the true meaning of having something to hold on to. It gave me the energy to, despite every force that worked against it.
Today I felicitate myself for everything that I have done; I feel content with my failures; I have learned through them, and I have a story to tell. Now I know that it was not to kill me but to make me. I wish I did more and stood up stronger when I felt like dying; in those moments when I felt the life leave with every dawn. Today I will blow trumpets in celebration of the naked truth that I ought to be thankful for every step of the way. For every event I have to learn or maybe unlearn, I have to cry or be happy. I ought to be on the kook out for whatever might be put out there for my sake.